Clasp reflection tool · IIRM v1.0

Infidelity Impact & Recovery Metric

A private snapshot of two different things: how heavily betrayal is affecting you now, and whether the conditions needed for repair are actually present. Nothing is saved or sent.

This is not a clinical or validated diagnostic scale. It cannot tell you whether to stay, leave, forgive, or reconcile. Use it to name needs and track change—not to grade either partner.

Safety check These answers override the scoreI am afraid of my partner or of what may happen when I raise this.There are threats, stalking, physical violence, sexual coercion, or controlling behavior.Ongoing secrecy is exposing me to sexual-health or serious financial risk.I am in immediate danger or thinking about harming myself.

AImpact loadIn the past 7 days

0 · Not at all4 · Nearly always

Intrusive thoughts or triggers interrupt my day.

01234

Choose 0–4

Sleep, appetite, or physical tension has been disrupted.

01234

Choose 0–4

Concentration, work, caregiving, or routines feel harder.

01234

Choose 0–4

Anxiety, hopelessness, anger, or numbness feels difficult to manage.

01234

Choose 0–4

My self-worth, identity, or sexual confidence has been shaken.

01234

Choose 0–4

Checking, questioning, conflict, or avoidance dominates our contact.

01234

Choose 0–4

BRecovery conditionsWhat is true right now

0 · Not present4 · Consistently

The outside relationship or hidden contact has ended.

01234

Choose 0–4

Relevant facts are being shared without new trickle-truth.

01234

Choose 0–4

The unfaithful partner takes responsibility without blaming me or the relationship.

01234

Choose 0–4

My pain can be heard with patience and empathy.

01234

Choose 0–4

Agreed boundaries and transparency are followed consistently.

01234

Choose 0–4

Both of us are freely willing to do the work and seek support when needed.

01234

Choose 0–4

0/12 answered

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